matriarchs and cannibals

Sunday, 14 May 2006

In honor of mother's day, I wanted to post a photo… taken last summer of my "matriarchal" family. But since I am unable to post a photo, you'll have to go to MyFlickr to see it!

"Matriarchy is a form of society in which power is with the women and especially with the mothers of a community."(-Wikipedia) My writing teacher has a fascinating, hopeful poem called Sarah and Hagar, about the mothers of the Jewish and Arabic peoples, respectively, and what could have happened differently if the mothers had changed the laws which left all property to the eldest male.

I've been cannibalizing some old blog entries because wordpress keeps giving me this message: "Sorry, you have used your space allocation. Please delete some files to upload more files." And I keep deleting and deleting image files and it keeps giving me the same message. I'm beyond frustrated with it. This is why I am trying to switch servers. I love photos, but I am not a techie, and I don't want to get bogged down in endless tech manipulations. My domain name has been down most of this week because of my new server setting up stuff. Their tech manipulations should have been done by now, but alas, no news… it tries my patience. My posts have thus been limited lately.

I love posting photos. I want to write, possibly professionally, but it's hard. It's much easier to post a photo and be done with it. I love taking photos and want to learn more about how to take good ones. But the lack of photos space on this free blog means I've been frustrated…

Too much is going on in my life that I'm unable to write about. Too many thoughts are swirling my brain

(I'm digging a hole/And the walls are caving in behind me/Air's getting thin/But I'm trying, I'm breathing. Come find me… –Joshua Radin)

making clarity difficult, nay impossible. Why this lack of clarity, I've many guesses but no certainty. I've been spending my time (with my counselor's support) meditating, walking a lot, trying to think positively, listening to Louise Hay, having tea with friends. And I've been spending my time (on my depression's urging) banging my head against the wall*, missing old friends, getting mad at friends who moved away from Seattle, wishing the past away, wishing the past back, cannibalizing the tiny bits of happiness I find, despairing at any change in myself…

…and knitting. I'm almost done with these infernal socks. I'm going to get them done today. I almost got them done last night but then realized I'd made a mistake on the toes so I had to frog.

…and reading. I finished (re)reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice for the Knit the Classics read/knit along. This was one of my favorite books and I still love it. Austen's wit and social criticism ring well with me. I got complètement sucked into this book this week, could not put it down!

…and watching movies. I (re)watched La Gloire de mon Père, based on the Marcel Pagnol novel and featuring my first love, Provence! It's the sweet story of a boy discovering his father is only human, set in the beauty and mystery of the provençal countryside. I'm savoring watching the second movie, Le Chateau de ma mere!

In my writing class, I met a woman from Québec this week. We spoke en français for a few moments. I miss speaking French so much! But I was awkward and didn't exactly know what to say.

*not literally


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